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And the Drama Continues...

I have to admit, the last four weeks have been an emotional roller coaster.

The night that I got kicked out, I figured that it was temporary, because this isn't the first time something like this had happened.  I figured that Mom, Dad and I just needed a few days to chill out and that we would talk and everything would be okay.

My brother Krys tried to come and tell me that this time would be different, but I didn't believe him, or it didn't register or something.  It wasn't until the next day halfway through my shift at work that it finally hit me.

The next three days were spent in tears.

But slowly, I got back on my feet.  I continued going to school and trying to focus on my homework.  I did get a couple of Cs on some tests, because there was the thought in the back of my mind that with everything that was going on, school just didn't make the list of priorities at the moment.

Then school got really tough one week.  I came down with a terrible cold and I had finals at school.  It was completely overwhelming.  Not only was I sick, but I had to deal with finals, plus I was at somebody else's house and all I wanted to do was go home.

I was miserable.

But once again, I got better.  I stopped hacking up a couple of lungs and I got back on my feet and pushed forward.

Fast forward to today.  I guess I had just let my guard down because I had managed to make it through my birthday without anything going wrong--it was a miracle!--and so I guess I just figured that I was out of the boiling pot.

Wrong.

I went over to my parents for supper and it was good, it really was.  It was turkey soup with rice and vegetables.  No, supper wasn't the problem.  The fight afterward didn't make for a great dessert though.  So, to make a very long story short, I managed to get kicked out of my house twice in four weeks.  That's got to be some kind of a record.

I have been pushed to the ground once again.  And I know that I'm going to get up again because there is nothing else to do.  But I am beginning to wonder; how long will it be before I don't have the strength to stand up again?

I'm so very sorry.

But, I'm really proud of you for continuing forward with school on top of everything else.

I don't know all the details, or what you and your parents fight about, but all I can say is - and I mean this in the gentlest way possible - ask God to reveal to you if there is anything that needs to change in your heart, and in your attitude. *hugs*

And though I know it isn't easy (there have been times in my life when I didn't think I would ever get up again) God can give you the strength that you need. Our own strength is limited, but God's in infinite, and He can pick us up no matter how many times we fall.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Paslam 73:26

You're in my prayers, and though I know we don't know each other all that well, if you ever want to chat, you're always welcome to PM me.
Hey,

Thank you so much for all your encouragement and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you.

My sister said the same thing as you did, that I should ask God to change me where I am wrong. My sister pointed out to me that I couldn't change my parents and I realized that was exactly what I was trying to do. So, I did finally go to God and ask me to change me instead of asking Him to change Mom and Dad.

Once again, thank you so much for all the prayers and encouragement! I have needed them more than ever!
No worries about having taken a while to answer! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long as well.

You're welcome for the prayers and the encouragement.

How are you doing now? I hope that things have gotten better. In any case, as always, you're in my prayers. *hugs*
*hugs you very very hard*

I'm very very proud of you. Incredibly proud of you. You do not have to be super woman - you're allowed to be upset and angry and feel like you can't go on with this. But the important thing is to continue on. You can do this and you never know what the future holds.

It sounds like you do have some support, and your relationship with your parents isn't completely screwed - there's hope.

*hugs you more* I know you can survive this. I know, because of my experience with AJ. She had to leave home at 15 because of a terrible home situation. She's turning 19 soon, and she's still here, she's still continuing on. It's been incredibly hard, but you can do it.

In regards to your last comment - that's when the people around you and God will give you the strength. And sometimes, you might just need to regroup for a few days, and then you'll have the strength again.

Let me know if you want to talk, sweetie.

Edited at 2013-01-26 02:39 am (UTC)
Thank you so much, Rinkle! I can't even say how thankful I am for my LJ friends. You guys have been incredibly supportive in the last couple of months! Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers, they mean so much to me!